WHAAAAT am I doing- burnout.
Have you ever gotten to a point where you are like, “I kinda should really maybe stop blaming other people for my failings”. When growing up with a chalk full of hormones, it is very easy to blame your parents or your circumstance or whatever is conveniently true and blame-able. But then there is this point where no one is putting pressure on you or holding you back and chemical imbalance is not a real excuse, you just got to admit, “ya this is all on me at this point”.
As a grown woman I can’t really blame anyone but myself without sounding completely and totally pathetic.
SO let’s overcompensate! That always helps right? Like if you are trying to loose weight starving is definitely the best way to do it, obviously? Or if you are trying to save money hiding as much cash as possible from yourself sounds like a sound investment that definitely won’t lead to negative amounts of money in your bank account? Or if you are trying to reconnect with your partner texting him nonstop and aggressively telling him what to do will totally rekindle that shit.
Overcompensation is the impatient, undisciplined, desperate woman’s (or man’s) starving attempt to accomplish something. It doesn’t NOT work. It is just I am very very VERY sleepy now and don’t care about what parts worked and what parts didn’t. In other words it isn’t sustainable and my bed is my new best friend. Nothing feels better than laying down in bed right now. Nothing could motivate me to leave my comfy nest of blankets with kitty cuddles. Seriously. Just try! You will fail. Priorities.
It also doesn’t feel worth it. I was trying to put all of my eggs in all of the baskets to try and gain some momentum. Every time I achieved something I was like, “coolcoolcoolcool, what is the next thing”. Now I am a bit like, “meh”. I was driven and unstoppable for like 3 weeks and now I am literally the most Sleepy. I have turned into a Snow White dwarf who’s entire personality is described in one adjective that is ALSO their NAME. That is how one dimensional and boring both they are and I feel.
So, what am I doing now that I am realizing how old I am and burnt out after just a few weeks of trying to hustle enough to make a dent? What would my very-up-with-the-lingo co-worker call it, “Thirsty”. I am. So. Old.
Cleaning. I best get my bed magnetic butt up and gosh darn physically and mentally organize my crap. New week people NEW WEEK.
Semi-related semi-information link HERE.